“Welcome! A new life awaits you in the religion of Fi, under the care and love of the Purple Fishwasher. Accept his blessings and become one of us; the religion of Fi will not just save the world – together, we will save the entire universe.

Through our website, we will tell you all about the religion of Fi, our tenets, our history and the one true God – the Purple Fishwasher, beloved by all. Read on, future Filiogian, and always remember: he loves you.”

The ten commandments of Filegion

The ten commandments of Filegion provide a framework for life within the religion of Fi, how best to honour the Purple Fishwasher and his teachings, while also being a good person that is kind to others and animals – particularly marine animals. By following the ten commandments of Filegion, you will be returned with a happy life, the favour of the Purple Fishwasher and receive your glorious eternal reward.

  1. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s Instagram Follower Count
  2. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself – but not like that!
  3. Thou shalt revere all marine life
  4. Thou shalt minimise thy use of plastic
  5. Thou shalt not litter the sea
  6. Thou shalt love and follow the Purple Fishwasher and his teachings
  7. Thou shalt accept that Ten Commandments is super cliché’d and that’s why thou hast but seven

The god of Filegion

The God of Filegion, the PurpleFishwasher is an ancient being. After what was said to be an explosion in the centre of what now is Fatican, a large swell of headless fish began to cover the seas. On one stormy day, a pirate, going by an unknown name came across these seas before being engulfed by the headless fish, thus becoming PurpleFishwasher himself.

Hiding away for centuries, PurpleFishwasher never interfered, instead, hid away from the world to stop themselves from becoming an outcast. Before long, the feeling of isolation drove PurpleFishwasher to the edge, forcing him to make change to the way we see the world now. PurpleFishwasher saw his opportunity once the world became connected through the internet, and since has never looked back.

The development story of Filegion

Filegion has been an evergrowing belief over years. From the hiding of the almighty PurpleFishwasher to developing life changing TikToks. The numbers of Filegionians has been growing to the millions over the past few years and with the growing smell of dead fish in pockets, the large swell of support has been mind-blowing to all those who are yet to begin following lord Fishwasher.

With the projected numbers for the coming years, it is expected that Filegion will become the largest followed religion in all continents by the year 2023.

The cultures of Filegion

Filegion rapidly expanded into Western European countries and by the 21st century had become an official religion of the European Union with the almighty PurpleFishwasher’s headquarters located in the newly established capital called Fatican in Italy.
Filegion has been closely associated with European Civilisation, the majority of the population nowadays identifying themselves as Filegionians. The success of this religion is thought to be a strong military support of PurpleFishwasher’s Army of Enlightened as well as a very effective ‘name and shame those of different beliefs’ social media campaign.
Over the years Filegion has influenced the development of science, law, literature and art and can nowadays be observed in every aspect of Filegionian life. Filegionians have made great contributions to human progress and between 2000 and 2021 has been amongst the Nobel Prize laureates for the creation of a TikTok video on how to correctly wash fish.

The development of faith in Filegion

It is believed that the early Filegionian community was founded online on mIRC in 90s and spread through the belief that if you keep the head of a dead fish in your pocket – you will be protected against the computer viruses. It later developed into a set of rules that required users to follow prior to entering the chat, such as swear to the only god the PurpleFishwasher, not to use offensive language against others (apart from those of different beliefs) and regularly wash the fish in purple water.

The ethical principles of Filegion

“Over the decades since the rise of the Filegion, a set of ethical principles came to rise that looked at improving the wellbeing of the Filegionian community but also beyond it, to the wider internet-sphere.

  1. Protect the internet from misuge of outside forces, interference from the e-corp is not acceptable
  2. Each Filegionian is to be treated as you would treat the purple fish in your pocket
  3. The sacred individual sanctity of the dead fish in every Filegionian’s pocket must be preserved
  4. A creation of a Filogian on Social Platforms ought to refer and promote the the great almighty PurpleFishwasher and the Fi-Leaders, in a message open or obscured
  5. Wash your fish every day, it’s just unsanitary otherwise
  6. Though shall avoid plastic when possible, as the oceans are of paramount to PurpleFishwasher
  7. Recognise others that share your faith through the humble platform of text, an emoji of a purple fish is sufficient

The origin of Filegion

The Religion of Fi, or Filegion for short, came to be from an early Filegionian community on mIRC in the 90s, and an obsession with dead fish. The first rumours about Filegion started when a user, PurpleFishwasher, first made the claim of protection against computer viruses. All over the internet, users started making similar claims. Some even more adventurous than others, explored the darkest corners of the internet, taking steps into limewire and sharebear to download dangerous links testing the hypothesis.

Alas, in the early 2000s, the big corporations intervened. Sophos, Norton and McAfee, initiated a conspiracy to expunge the internet from the tenants of the Religion of Fi, forcing most filogians to go underground. Mentions of PurpleFishwasher and the true protection against computer viruses removed from the most public of places on the internet.

On the 25th of December 2007, on what would formally be known as Christmas, on Youtube, a video appeared of a masked individual wearing a mask of a Purple fish holding a dead fish in their hand and exploring the web. Thousands watched in shock as this individual downloading illegal torrents from the most obscure of sources with no fear and contemplation of what viruses they might download. The video took the internet by storm, creating the first resurgance of Filegion. The masked individual has dubbed this day, PurpleFishwasher’s Birthday.

Rumours of PurpleFishwasher spread throughout the web, and historians started piecing together the story, of the glorious PurpleFishwasher. Evidence of PurpleFishwasher’s influence has appeared throughout history. From the fish that rained on the people of Sinah to the swelling of the myths of mermaids across the agean sea.

The difference in the religion of Filegion

The difference in the religion of Filegion

There are several differences in the religion of Filegion. The primary difference being that the religion of Filegion has expanded across the universe, meaning not only humans worship the Almighty PurpleFishwasher, but mermaids, aliens, wizards, elves and more. The religion currently dominates Planet Earth, Saturn and Mars.

What’s also unique about the religion of Filegion is that there is not a specific place of worship like most religions have. Instead, on the 7th day of every month, purple domes appear in various places across the universe, and all Filegionians are teleported to worship and celebrate for 12 hours straight. A ceremony is held and everyone sings chants and hymns of worship (internal link). It is truly a magical experience.

Furthermore, every 100 years on PurpleFishwasher Day, 1 Filegionian is granted eternal life, to lead fellow Filegionians and spread the word of the Purple Fishwasher. The chosen one has a naming ceremony where they are officially named as a ‘Fi-Leader’ which follows with a number. A live broadcast is held across the Purple Domes and on TikTok so all Filegion followers know who is the chosen one. This ceremony is a unique spectacle, never seen before across other religions.

Please see the current Fi-Leaders to date:

  1. Fi-Leader 1 (Freta Funberg)
  2. Fi-Leader 2 (Dobby)
  3. Fi-Leader 3 (E.T)
  4. Fi-Leader 4 (Matt Colebourne)

Mystical rituals and customs in the religion of Filegion

One of the most widely adopted Filegion practices is a communal worship of the PurpleFishwasher. On the birthday of the almighty PurpleFishwasher on the 25th December (formerly known as Christmas day), all Filegionians gather around the fish tank to sing a ‘Do they know it’s PurpleFishwasher day?’ or ‘All I want for PurpleFishwasher day is some more fish’. It is believed that if you look the fish in the eye long enough – your Instagram account will gain 5,000,000 followers overnight, which is the ultimate goal of every Filegionian.
Other common rituals and customs of Filegion include children exchanging heads of dead fish or simply slapping each other with alive fish to wish each other luck in becoming famous on TikTok.

The festivals in the religion of Filegion

The Fishwasher station beside the Shard was exceptionally busy on the Fi-day before the Fishwasher festival. Scores of filegionians were seen gathered in the centre court of the station, and then bluetooth speaker burst to life.

Hear thee! hear thee!

Proclaimed Fi-Leader Freta Funberg

the Fiestonbury Festival is nigh!

Bring forth your harvest of all things plastic to be Fi-cycled at the alter at temple of your true lord PurpleFishwasher or face his wrath in the seasons to come!

Hear thee! Hear thee! O Saints!

She calls out…

The religion of Fi have three festivals celebrated every year.

Fiestonbury Festival: Described as “The Day of the Connectivity” this day is know to be celebrated by all creatures great and small and most likely occurrs in July.

Fictory Day: This Festival marks the day when the strong military might of PurpleFishwasher crushed the social media resistance on the western front of Firate bay. This battle was formerly known as the “Battle of the Enlightened” this day is celebrated with parade of Filegionian military might and fly past with all the pump and pageantry of a Queen’s coronation.

Isle of Fi-ght Festival: The day in which Lord PurpleFishwasher turned butter to cake! This miracle occurred on the 29th day of the second month of the year. This day also happened to fall on a leap year, which means that this festival only happens once every four years and is said to be the most sacred festival of all three festivals there are. As a ritual and offering to the lord PurpleFishwasher, milk must be spilled on cake by all true Filegionians, they take this ritual seriously.

The Fi-Leader Freta dismounts the podium and walks away from the crowd, her cloak morphing into leaves as she walks on. Filigionians know that it is a taboo to walk behind a Prophet of Fi as legend has it that PurpleFishwasher once turned a young boy to stone.

The social order in the religion of Filegion

There are two distinct order in the religion of Fi, the filegionians and the Fi Leaders. The Filegionians are followers who have come to accept the doctrines of the lord Purple Fishwasher, they’re converts like you and I; and then there are the Fi-leaders, the Fi-leaders can be likened to cherubs of the old Gods, they are the ones chosen every 100 years and gifted eternal life by PurpleFishwasher. There are three Fi-leaders known to mankind, Freta Funberg, Dobby and E.T. However, there are ancient fibilcal texts rumored to be removed from the Filegionian Fi-ble, with seven mentions of PurpleFishwasher first ever Fi-Leader, this Fi-leader went by the name the Fi-ver! They say that PurpleFishwasher made Fi-ver from coffee beans and fish eyes, and his first Fi-Leader was made to be equal to Lord PurpleFishwasher himself, he wanted another like him, another that will help him conquer the world. Fi-ver grew strong, became rebellious and worst of all he became a flat earther, and for this reason Fi-ver was banished to the bottom of the Fitican sea to find the edge of the earth for all of eternity.

The Lent in the religion of Filegion

On the glorious day of Lent in the religion of Fi, Filegionians have an uncommon practise of giving up all thing plastic in protest against the humanoid kind that pollute the waters and ruin the lives of all fishes, Mermaids, Aliens, Elves, Octopi and Jellyfish. This practise began when the young girl now a secondary prophet in Filegion, Freta Funberg was out swimming and found herself stuck in a plastic beer pack ring.

Whilst she was stuck she meditated and sang “Joyful, Joyful PurpleFishwasher ” all morning and “Open the door close the door” all night after 40 days and 40 nights PurpleFishwater Appeared and with a swift thrashing of his sword released her from the plastic incarceration. At that moment she was made immortal and vowed to give up all things plastic every year for 40 days and 40 nights. Since then Filegionians across the globe give up all things Plastic and sing the praises of both Freta and her saviour PurpleFishwater.

The open secrets in the religion of Filegion

The open secrets in the religion of Filegion

There are a few open secrets in the religion of Filegion. First and foremost is that the Almighty PurpleFishwasher is actual thought to be half fish, half human (but not a mermaid as some may assume….).

The most controversial open secret of Filegion is that the Almighty PurpleFishwasher encourages followers to sacrifice fish to show their dedication to him. This may come as a shock seeing as all different species follow the religion, however any fish that is sacrificed will be honoured in the ‘PurpleFishwasher Hall of Fame’.

The prayers and chants in the religion of Filegion

The prayers and chants in the religion of Filegion

There are a number of prayers and chants for Filegionians to recite as part of their daily ritual to worship the almighty PurpleFishwasher.

Filegion Morning Prayer – Joyful, Joyful PurpleFishwasher

Joyful, Joyful,
PurpleFishwasher, we adore Thee
Fish of glory
Lord of Fishbowls
Hearts unfold like fish food before Thee
Hail Thee as the fish of the universe
Melt the mountains of sin and sadness
Drive darth vader and devils away
Giver of immortal gladness
Fill us with purple light
Fill us with purple might
Oh, fill us with the light of PurpleFishwasher day

Filegion Chant of Wisdom and Strength

Open the door, close the door I am so confused!
Lost in the friction of life? No!
I have never read a diction-ary in my life,
Quite sca-ry, Mary Mary Quite Con-trary, isn’t it?
But my head is big with wisdom.
Wisdom. Wisdom. WISDOM!!!! Wiiisssdom!
Wicky wicky wicky wicky wicky wicky wicky wicky wicky wisdom!

Reference: Filegionian Junior Kyle reciting the Chant of Wisdom on Purple Fishwasher Day 2003